T called and wants me to come and visit him in residential treatment tomorrow. I'm thrilled, I'll go, I miss him like crazy, I'll try to be a good mom while I'm there.
At the same time, all that said, I've had a fantastic week. I wouldn't wish him gone for anything in the world - even when his behavior is hideous, I love the soul of him so much. That said, he's a pain in the ass, and when he is being cared for somewhere else, it's amazing what little nooks and crannies of our lives re-emerge.
Here's a quick list of things I've been able to do this week that I sorely missed!
- Taking a shower with the bathroom door open
- Walking around less than fully clothed
- Leaving my purse, my car keys, my cash, my iPod - things with street value sitting around
- Going out for dinner without worrying that at any minute, his needs might interrupt
- Working late without feeling guilty for missing dinner
- Sleeping late on Saturday (he has the oddest habit of waking us early on weekends by stumbling into our room in his boxer shorts and hanging out, as if to chat, though he rarely says much)
- Drinking at home. For a year, we haven't had any alcohol in the house, as we've been supporting his intermittent attempts at sobriety. But this week I enjoyed wine with dinner, and a weekend nightcap of that really good rye Tim's dad gave us for Christmas.
- Watching television. The definition of monopoly is the relationship between the teenager in your house and your television/game console/telephone.
- Have feelings! Living with a traumatized, substance-abusing, high-drama teenager leaves precious little room for reflection and self-awareness.
I look forward to the visit tomorrow, but also...it's been a great week!