Thursday, April 1, 2010


I'm mad today, at everybody, and I feel like writing about it. In the words of one of my fave bloggers, sparkly pink cupcakes to all y'all...(and my apologies because I cannot remember which one of you geniuses coined this, so if it's yours, claim your credit!) the English teacher who has apparently been sending T. out of class for misbehavior but not sharing this information with anyone. More love to him for turning our calm attempt to discuss how we might work together more effectively into a self-indulgent venting session. the city of Los Angeles, which has allowed retail marijuana shops to flourish all around us (eight within a block) while still enforcing criminal penalties for possession. Trying to keep these kids out of trouble when their parents and older siblings can pick up weed as easily (more easily) than they can buy a gallon of milk seems nearly impossible some days. It feels like a giant mousetrap that threatens a parent's sanity. T.'s primary caseworker who calls us every so often and tells us she must "log a visit" asap, and expects us to accomodate her schedule, including on weekends. More love to her for showing no interest or affection for T., for belittling and interrogating him at every opportunity, even when we assure her that we've already handled his behavior. And extra special bonus points for speaking to him critically about his birth mother. Every time she visits she leaves me with a pile of sparkly pink emotional mess to clean up. my boss who is being passive aggressive about letting me take time off to get T. settled and attend things like therapy appointments and social worker visits. If I'd given birth I would have been out for months, but since I adopted an older kid instead, I have to beg, borrow and steal every litttle bit of time I need right now. T.'s birth relatives who refuse to call me to confirm and coordinate the plan for his visit this weekend. Do they not understand how high the stakes are for him? Christmas went this way too. They tell him he can come, then refuse to return calls or texts required to work out arrangements. And how much do I feel like leaving my kid off for a visit with someone who won't call me back? About as much as I feel like telling him I can't get this worked out for him, then dealing with his crushing disappointment. AAaaaaaaargh!!! T., who is wallowing in a sneering, leering hormonal stew right now and who argues if you say the sky is blue. He's been an absolute delight throughout his spring break, since neither fishing, camping, nor horseback riding have met with his princely expectations. I know, I know. To quote myself quoting my MAPP instructor, "parent the need, not the behavior". Hah. Hard to do this week.

Mmmmm. I feel better already!


SRR said...

Vent away - it helps to have somewhere to yell about all the ridiculousness. And hand in there, you are doing a GREAT job!!!

I can't address the whole adoption issue. I can say that my teenage daughter (no adoption involved), when she was in one of her moods, would be able to take ANYTHING I said and turn it around into something negative. So at least some small part of what you are dealing with is teenager-hood.

Do you have any friends with teenagers? It can really help to talk to fellow parents and realize that a lot of behavior is in the normal range. Of course I realize that a LOT of what you are dealing with is beyond the usual.

GB's Mom said...

I am glad you feel better. Letting out all that "love" was bound to help.

Anonymous said...

Sparkily cupcakes and pink love to all of those "ahem" professionals you mentioned.

OMG I have been quoted!! :-)

Lulu McCabe said...

AdvocateMom! I THOUGHT it was you, but I searched in vain to find the reference. My nerves were shot at the time. I wish I'd tried harder. "Sparkily cupcakes" has become important shorthand in our house already! So genius.

And thanks, SSR and GB's mom. It's totally true that much of the T. part of the equation is normal teen-dom. I'm kind of amazed what a "regular" teenager he is, after all he's been through - and how much "regular teenager" can be completely infuriating. It does help to hear from parents of teens and those who have parented kids into adulthood. Phew!

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